Morning to evening

My mom calls me in the morning and talks about random stuff, we talk for about 15 minutes and she mentions my grandfather being sick, to pray for him and to call him up. I tell her I would (thinking in my brain maybe I won’t. Don’t think of me as a heartless person. I hardly ever talked to my grandfather. Even if I did give him a call, he wouldn’t recognize me. He’s been going through old age senility for a while.) I made a mental note to still give him a call.

7:22 p.m. my phone rings and it’s my mom, she never calls twice in a day, so I am assuming there could be two reasons:

  1. She pressed the button by mistake
  2. Something bad happened

I pick up the phone and try to pay extra attention to her voice, it does feel coarse, like it’s breaking and then in an instant she is crying and telling me her father passed away.

“My mother already passed away, my father has passed away too,” she says crying like a baby.

I stop in my tracks, I open my mouth but no words come out, then in an instant I am knocked back to my senses…all I can think of is the statement we Muslims say when someone dies: Indeed from God we came and to God do we return. And after that I don’t know what to say to my grieving mother…

She tells me she’s getting ready to leave for the funeral…and then she hangs up.

She hangs up and my brain hangs up too.

I was never emotionally attached to my grandfather, not even to the slightest bit but I do feel something. I feel like someone punched me in my stomach…like I can’t breathe well. Nothing feels good, I don’t wanna talk to anyone, I just want to lock myself in the room and stare blankly at the wall.

I don’t know what’s going on in my brain, maybe I am thinking how quick it was, morning and evening, poof! Like how fleeting this life can be. Poof! Just like that you can one day go. You could be young, you could be old, but you go, you do go, no one stays.

Or may be I am just feeling for my poor mom, who lost both her parents within two years.

I don’t know whats going on, but I know one thing, I am certainly not in the state I was before the call and I can’t shrug past it..and don’t want to or else I would be a heartless person.

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